Johanna (linnetbird) wrote,
Johanna
linnetbird

Real Housewives of New Jersey star Melissa Gorga has written an advice book, Love Italian Style, for people who want a marriage as hot and happy as the one she has with her husband Joe. Her entire ethos on the subject boils down to this sentence: "Husbands want their wives to submit; wives want our husbands to dominate."

The amount of sexism, gender essentialism, and caveman logic within its pages is so appalling that it's difficult to believe that her book is anything but a cry for help.





It's very clear—from her anecdotes, observations, and tips—that she's married to a controlling asshole that barely views her as human, let alone an equal. He won't "allow" her to go on overnight trips without him, he has a say in the clothes she wears, didn't want her to get a job (even before she became a mother), and he has gotten violent when Melissa does things that he doesn't like.

Joe—Teresa Giudice's brother—seems to restrict any expression of individualism or independence on her part—including this book. He constantly interjects throughout with his own opinions on how women should behave. His are perhaps the most egregious passages in the book, particularly his thoughts on sex.

Men, I know you think your woman isn't the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says "no," turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

Women don't realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.

That is rape and it is insane that it got past the publisher.

But even when reading the parts that she writes—and if there's one nice thing I can say about her book it's that she definitely wrote it!—it's basically just a transcription of the "education" that he's given her.

In the beginning, Joe wanted to have sex every single day, at least once, if not twice or three times…If I didn't give it to him once a day, he'd get upset.

I can do something that pisses him off on a Monday, but if we had sex on Sunday night, it blows over more easily. But if we haven't done it for two days and I give him attitude? It could be a huge fight.


It's kind of sad how she's seemingly his sex slave.

Happy guys let more go. Issues get brushed off. Quickies count. Say what you want, but it's the truth.

[A] woman needs to keep herself in shape. She has to be seductive. She must be willing to try new things for her husband's pleasure and her own. And, most important, she has to be available for sex.

There's real passionate sex and maintenance sex. You need them both for a healthy marriage. Maintenance sex keeps the wheels greased, the lines of communication open, and the fights to a minimum.


Under a section titled, "YOU CAN DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR TEN MINUTES," Melissa writes:

Even when I'm exhausted and not really in the mood, if it means a lot to Joe that we connect physically, I'll say, "I'm not so into it tonight, but let's go."

If it's a hard "no," I try to be nice about it. Don't swat him away, or say with a tone, "Leave me alone!" Eventually he will leave you alone at more than you wish he would.


Here's a good example of how Melissa's wisdom is simply the digested garbage that Joe has fed her. Here's a passage from Joe on why women are the reason that men cheat:

Refusing to initiate is a Top Three reason men cheat. The ugliest girl in the world could come on to a man in that state of mind, and he might have to go for it. He thinks, At least someone wants me.
In another chapter, Melissa basically repeats his words:

The way I see it, if a wife is a puttana, her husband will never feel the urge to go outside the marriage to actual whores, or strip clubs. He won't hit on women in bars, or drool over his friend's girlfriends or the secretary. He'll rush home to his wife, who makes sure he'll have a good time (the best time) in the comfort of his own home.


In the book she often repeats the secret to a happy marriage is "about respect." But it's clear to anyone reading it that she's truly confused about what that means or how to get it. It would all be funny if it weren't so damn sad.



Source 1
Source 2 (Melissa's book!)

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